Demise
I envy your demise
I hope it's all you dreamed it would be
one bullet in this gun
not sure if it's for you or me
“Dammit, not again. Why can’t you just ignore your prat of a brother?” Draco stormed up to Ginny. He held her chin in his hand, almost breaking it with his force. Ron had interfered in their relationship again. He’d sent Ginny to tears, had made her doubt their relationship. Only Draco knew how much his words would have cut. She was so dark. His beauty was pulling herself out of her all-encompassing depression hand-by-hand, and her prick of a brother had just cut her rope.
I envy your demise
with all the guilt you hid away
“He’s my brother! I’ve already hurt him by going out with you, I’m not going to hurt him by letting him think I don’t care what he says!” She blamed herself for everything, Draco knew. She thought it was her fault for the incident in her first year. She decided that Harry wouldn’t have fallen in love with Hermione – a traitor – if he’d she herself had been closer to him. She blamed herself for hurting Draco with her comebacks to his snide remarks years ago, blamed herself for not being able to cope with everything.
All the lies that I have spun
and all the times I wished you stayed
“I gave you the choice of whether or not you wanted our relationship to be public. You didn’t have to tell anyone. I lied to my father for you. I listened when you didn’t want to go any further! I accepted everything you said, and you doubt me?” He’d spent hours lying awake thinking of Ginny. Tom Riddle had molested her, her father had beaten her, and she had had to be handled carefully, allowed to bloom at her own pace.
now all that I'll ever suffer
all that I'll ever be
“No...I just..I need to...” She trailed off. Dammit. There were tears in her eyes now. Draco could almost see her sinking back into her pit of despair. She was in a bad way. Draco had found her, when his angel had come to him, she’d been ready to die. She’d wanted to join the Death Eaters, so that she could die easily. The Death Eaters had been tracked down, and systematically killed or imprisoned.
all that I'll ever ruin
you can always cover me with makeup
“To what?” He remembered an incident almost a year ago. She’d flown to him – over a distance of almost 200 miles – because her father had beaten her again. She’d told him about the beatings of a man that everyone else respected. He’d taken her in and hidden her, provided her with his mother’s make-up. She’d covered the bruise on her cheekbone with it.
I envy your demise
seven hundred fifty degrees
when it burned it smelled like you
but it scorched and looked a lot like me
“To think! I just...I need some time alone.” They’d attended the witch burnings the other day. The worst of the Death Eaters were burnt – it was the only way to kill them after they’d used immortality charms on themselves. Ginny had looked at the fire, entranced, and Draco knew she was a long way from being recovered.
I envy your demise
you never said that you'd try
He caught her arm as she tried to storm away. “You’re not having time alone. You think I don’t know what you do when I leave you alone?” She cut herself. There were scars all over her wrists. He’d found out one day when she’d lost too much blood. He’d had to take her to the infirmary. Thankfully, she didn’t remember that. She’d hate that he knew what she was doing. She was trying to get better for him.
when I had to lose control
lose control to really cry
“How do you know?” She was crying now. Sobbing. She was blaming herself for disappointing him.
all that I'll ever limit
all that I'll ever try
“I know you, Ginny. I’ve loved you and gone out with you and understood you for years! You think I wouldn’t know something like that? You think I wouldn’t find out? Why do you do it?”
all that I'll ever see
all that I'll ever ruin
“Don’t you know, Draco? Haven’t you realized it yet?”
all that I'll ever see
all that I'll ever abuse
“You want to die? Fine, Ginny.” Draco stormed over to his dresser, and bought out an old revolver. He’d brought it at Knockturn Alley. “Die.” Draco slammed the gun down on the coffee table in front of her and stormed over to lean against the wall.
Ginny looked down at the gun.
I envy your demise
I hope it's all you dreamed it would be
one bullet in this gun
not sure if it's for you or me.
Author's Note: This is a song fic, to the song “Poor Impulse Control.” I’ve mixed up the lyrics a bit in the end, but here you go. I’ve decided to leave the end to your imagination. Enjoy!
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